Though 31st July is celebrated as National Orgasm Day, a huge gap exists between the orgasm frequency of males and females. Men orgasm consistently as compared to females during sex. As per one of the studies of 50000 adults, researchers consider both genders how frequently they reached orgasm. And the answers were, heterosexual males say they orgasm 95% of the time. In contrast, heterosexual females say only 65%; in simple words, males are orgasming almost regularly, whereas females, only two-thirds of the time.
Another study conducted by Durex found that only 2% of males don’t get orgasm than 20% of females during their sexual encounter. This indicates that almost every three out of four females do not experience orgasm during sex.
National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior conducted another survey of 600 adults. The survey findings show that 85% of males had an orgasm. The percentage turns out to be 64% only when females answered the same question. Although this survey didn’t lay focus on the couple’s genders, it is clear that the sexuality of a person is not solely responsible for this gender gap. Only a small percentage of respondents in the survey belong to the gay or bisexual category.
What is the orgasm gap?
It is a term used to describe the disparity in orgasms between couples. The orgasm gap represents the fact that in heterosexual encounters, males orgasm more than females. The orgasm inequality and pleasure gap are some other names of the orgasm gap.
If we consider the studies above, it is clear that the rate of orgasm of women is around 65%, and it can be lower also, say 40%. On the contrary, males’ orgasm rate is above 90% and even close to 100% in some studies. This gap reduced drastically when researchers surveyed lesbians and gays. In the above 50000 adults, the rate of orgasms by lesbians and gays is 86% and 89%.
The orgasm rate of the bisexual persons, the difference in orgasm gap is almost similar to heterosexual male as bisexual women reported 66% orgasm rate and bisexual males reported 88% of the time. So, the question is, why the orgasm gap exists?
Why does the orgasm gap exist?
Lack of understanding about the female anatomy: When a female knows her body, she can guide her partner well and increase the pleasure and confidence during the sexual encounters. When anyone party does not understand this anatomy, the orgasm gap is likely to occur. Studies revealed that not only males but also females (29% of college-aged women) could not identify their sexual organs like the clitoris.
The clitoris is the only organ in the human body, having the sole purpose of providing pleasure. It is a susceptible organ, and a person can only see a small portion of this body part with the naked eye. A person sees the surface, below which complex structure lies that wraps around the internal organs, including the vagina. The clitoris comprises erectile tissue, the same tissues erecting the male’s penis. It is the inner portion of this sensitive organ that makes G-spot stimulation pleasurable. Many researchers believe that the G-spot is now a similar part of the female anatomy where the vagina, clitoris, and urethra come together. Several studies indicate that the rate of orgasms was the lowest in the group of heterosexual women and lack of understanding of their sexual anatomy is its most significant factor.
Lack of foreplay: Giving female sexual pleasure never counts as a priority. And until she is sexually aroused before vaginal intercourse, achieving orgasms becomes a distant dream. When she is sexually aroused, the vagina expands and lengthens, and even vaginal walls lubricate. If this process does not happen, sex becomes a painful activity for her. Thus, male partners need to build sexual arousal, and this is possible with these foreplay tips for men.
Having little foreplay or not considering foreplay at all is the primary reason for the orgasm gap. When it comes to female orgasms, foreplay is not optional; it is a necessity. The studies indicate that making oral sex an essential part of foreplay paves the way to female orgasm.
The inequality gap in the bedroom: As compared to male sexual pleasure, female sexual pleasure is seldom considered. For ages, women’s getting orgasm has not been considered an essential part of sexual play. It is because pregnancy happens altogether even if a woman does not reach orgasm. When it comes to reproduction, male orgasms are essential, and women’s orgasms are not valued.
With the changes in time and giving more importance to female pleasures, males try hard to woo them via unique foreplay tips. But this is not the case everywhere.
How long men last vs. how long she wants him to last: IELT is an acronym for Intra-vaginal ejaculation latency time, and it implies how long a man take to orgasm once vaginal intercourse starts. As per one of the studies of 500 heterosexual couples, the average IELT since the sex commences is 5.4 minutes. Other reviews say that male experiences orgasms within 5-6 minutes of penetration. And, as per sex therapists, the IELTS can range anywhere between 44 seconds to a maximum of 44 minutes. But if you ask a woman, she wants sex to last long on an average of approximately 14 minutes.
Why think seriously about the orgasm gap?
Bad sexual encounters could mean an end to a relationship. A bad sexual encounter is when a woman does not orgasm or has a lack of foreplay from her partner’s side. Surveys indicate that 44% of women feel a lack of orgasms, and 57% opined lack of foreplay as the main factors contributing to bad sexual encounters. So, this clearly shows that if you are partnering with a woman, who is not orgasming consistently, the chances are high that your relationship will end at some point in the future.
How to fix the orgasm gap?
Learn sexual anatomy: In this techno-savvy age, finding any piece of information on the internet is a cakewalk. So, skip the porn videos and devote your time to go through some sex educational videos or books. You can even look at pictures for a better understanding. Purchase a book containing vital information about female sexual anatomy (vulva, clitoris, outer and inner labia, and vaginal opening) in detail. It is not necessary to understand everything in detail but try to gather the required knowledge so that you can make a decent attempt.
Do not shy to ask your partner what she likes or which is one thing that heightens her pleasure level during sex. If you feel that your partner seldom explores her body, take the initiative, and explore her body parts with her. Help her to get an orgasm. Her support is indispensable to start this journey, so make her realize that you are with her during this entire journey of sex, orgasm, pleasure, and fun.
Don’t stop with the clitoris: You have done a great job giving her clitoral stimulation. But this does not mean that your job ends here. Combine vaginal stimulation with clitoral stimulation for reaching the climax. As per one of the studies highlighted in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 37% of women demand clitoral stimulation for reaching climax. In other studies, the numbers are on the higher side, thus do not ignore this simple fact. Because you cannot see the clitoris, so follow the holistic approach of offering pleasure while exploring it. We do not wonder if you learn or discover something exciting about her body during this sexual journey.
Focus on foreplay: If the fact that on average, males last for 5.4 minutes whereas women wanted to stay with him for about 14 minutes is bothering you, compensate it with more foreplay time. Learn and try such tricks that sexually arouse her quickly. Some of the tips that never fail to deliver their magic are massaging, kissing, dirty talking, etc. Explore her body with your mouth instead of your hand. Create a romantic atmosphere in the room by lighting candles and turning on the music. You can even use sex toys for beginners of her choice. Even if she is satisfied and orgasmed, do not stop here. Keep kissing her till the time she wants, or keep using the vibrator. Maybe she can surpass you by experiencing multiple orgasms with these simple tricks.
Talk more and pay attention to non-verbal cues: Whether you are orally or manually stimulating your partner, ask her indifferent and sexy ways like “How do you feel when I suck your nipples?” or “Do you like it”? If she does not reply, pay attention to her non-verbal clues like groaning, moaning, or breathing. Believe this, some of the most satisfying sexual feelings are hard to express, so try to understand her non-verbal body language. The point is to create strong sexual communication with your partner. For this, instill trust to feel open about her feelings and understand that you are ready to go the extra mile to please her sexually.
Keep talking after sex: Do not go to sleep after sex. Make her feel special even after that by asking how she feels, what she likes the most this time, and what she wants to try the next time. Make such conversations, regular activity during and after sex. This normalizing sexual talk makes it easier for both of you to give and get the best out of sex.
Keep going even if you come: Do not follow the notion of finishing sex after orgasm. Keep going instead. Many end up ejaculating after a few minutes of penetration, so they stop once they orgasm. But remember, sex is not about penetration only. Maintain the interest level in your sexual play either by using your mouths, hands, or even vibrator. Ask your partner’s desires and fulfill them in your best way.
A final thought on the orgasm gap
Many of us are aware of the orgasm gap and want to end it. Regardless of gender, make your partner orgasm as it signifies immense sexual gratification and an erotic experience. Make orgasm as your sexual accomplishment achieved via love and practice. Focus on providing sexual pleasure but not entirely focusing on whether or not she orgasmed. Do not pressure her to experience it as more pressure increases the likelihood of less likely to happen. The orgasm gap does matter, so try to close it by increasing your sexual knowledge and engaging in sexual communication with your partner.