Communication is the key to a fulfilling and pleasurable sex life. Knowing what you and your partner like and dislike allow you to focus on the things you enjoy and leave the things you don’t behind. Knowing this will help to reduce significantly your performance anxiety surrounding performance or please tour partner adequately. With so many options for ways to pleasure each other, you don’t want to waste time on the things that don’t make you scream out in pleasure, and communication is the way! Let’s understand how to talk about sex before sex.
What You Both Like and Don’t Like?
In terms of sex acts, this could be anything like oral sex, fingering, anal sex, and other butt stuff or anything that she enjoys, no matter how big or small. These could be things she has tried before, wants to try in the future, has never tried before, or that she knows she does not want to try; keep this question very open-ended to get the maximum amount of information possible.
What You Both Need and Like During Foreplay Specifically?
This could include the length of time she needs, what acts she likes done to her, what she wants to do to you during foreplay if she likes kissing to be included or not, and what it takes to get her into the mood and wet enough for penetration.
What You Both Like and Don’t Like Specifically that You Do or Have Done?
These are things specifically related to the two of you having sex with each other. The other questions in this list are open to including anything in her past and anything she has not yet tried. Try not to take it too personally if she tells you there is something she does not enjoy as much as you thought she did. This conversation is all about growth and learning.
What Makes You Both Orgasms Almost Instantly?
Maybe something she does for herself during masturbation or something she knows will set her off instantly in the best way. This could be something you do for her or something she likes to do for herself.
What Both of Your Favorite Positions Are?
Her favorite sex positions, both for penetrative sex and sex not involving penetration. What she likes about them would also be beneficial for you to know.
Any Kinks or Fetishes You Both May Have?
Both that she has experience with and that she is just discovering. If she is unsure, ask her if she is open to exploring new kinks with you. Maybe you both will find new things that you enjoy.
Anything You Both Have Wanted to Do Sexually?
Maybe you have never done a 69 together, but she enjoys this position, or perhaps she saw something in a porn video that she would like to try. Maybe there is something that she has wanted to experiment with, and she is wondering if you would be open to it. Learn more about erotic sex positions she might like to try.
Anything You Both Have Been Fantasizing About Trying
Maybe a role-play or a specific location, perhaps a fantasy that she is embarrassed to talk about. This question is last on the list because hopefully, at this point, the conversation is flowing a little easier, and she will be more comfortable answering this question by now. Make her feel comfortable and let her know anything she discloses to you will remain between you and her.
While these questions are incredibly personal, you will have to make each other feel comfortable being open about these topics. This will require a lot of vulnerability on both of your parts, so show your partner that you listen intently and assure them that you are doing so without judgment. Suppose they seem very hesitant to open up about these things- and they might be, depending on the age of your relationship and each of your levels of openness with sex in general. In that case, you can ask them if they would instead answer these how to talk about sex questions first, and they can answer them afterward. This may make them feel less like they are on the spot (mostly if you were the one that brought it up) and more comfortable with the conversation as a mutual exchange.